Baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Sorry I'm a day late... but yesterday was my birthday, and I just wasn't in the mood for blogging haha. So the only reason why I know what my favorite song at this time last year was is because it was my birthday and I really remember being way into this song :)

"POKER FACE" By Lady Gaga

Mum mum mum mah
Mum mum mum mah

I wanna hold em' like they do in Texas please
Fold em' let em' hit me raise it baby stay with me (I love it)
Luck and intuition play the cards with Spades to start
And after he's been hooked I'll play the one that's on his heart

Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

Can't read my,
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she's got to love nobody)
Can't read my
Can't read my
No he can't read my poker face
(she's got to love nobody)

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I wanna roll with him a hard pair we will be
A little gambling is fun when you're with me I love it)
Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun
And baby when it's love if its not rough it isn't fun, fun
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got
Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohhhh, oh-oh-e-oh-oh-oh,
I'll get him hot, show him what I've got

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

I won't tell you that I love you
Kiss or hug you
Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin
I'm not lying I'm just stunnin' with my love-glue-gunning
Just like a chick in the casino
Take your bank before I pay you out
I promise this, promise this
Check this hand cause I'm marvelous

P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)
P-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face
(Mum mum mum mah)

Ain't no passing craze

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

This movie was huge when I was a kid... and this song was all the rage. I still like it to this day (movie and song) and have been trying to get Charlie to watch The Lion King... but he's all about Toy Story and Finding Nemo! lol.

"HAKUNA MATATA" From The Lion King

Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase

Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

It means no worries for the rest of your days

It's our problem-free philosophy

Hakuna Matata!

Hakuna Matata?

Yeah. It's our motto!

What's a motto?

Nothing. What's a-motto with you?

Those two words will solve all your problems

That's right. Take Pumbaa here
Why, when he was a young warthog...

When I was a young wart hog

Very nice

Thanks

He found his aroma lacked a certain appeal
He could clear the savannah after every meal

I'm a sensitive soul though I seem thick-skinned
And it hurt that my friends never stood downwind
And oh, the shame  He was ashamed
Thought of changin' my name What's in a name?
And I got downhearted  How did ya feel?
Everytime that I...

Hey! Pumbaa! Not in front of the kids!
Oh. Sorry

Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze

It means no worries for the rest of your days

It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna matata!
Hakuna Matata! Hakuna--

It means no worries for the rest of your days

It's our problem-free philosophy
Hakuna Matata!
(Repeats)

I say "Hakuna"

I say "Matata"

That second chance

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

I guess I'm kinda weird... because I don't think this song would make most people feel guilty. But everytime I hear it, it brings me back to past mistakes I've made in my life... and yes, guilt is very much felt.

"ANGEL" By Sarah McLachlan

Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always some reason
to feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
oh a beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight life
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lies
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe
in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

It's gone askew

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

Man, this could be a long list! Haha... but I will just pick a song (Incubus of course) that I've really been thinking about wishing I was talented enough to learn how to play it!

"PENDULOUS THREADS" By Incubus

Mend this careless thread
It’s gone askew
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)
Or pull and see how much we can undo
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)
On a burning bridge, your options are minimal at best
Depending on where you’re standing
And how much breath is in your chest
If it came down to it
Would you high-tail home and hide?
Or dance on fire and enjoy the ride?
Mend this careless thread, it’s gone askew
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)
Or pull and see how much we can undo
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)
At the heart of it all
That innermost, your fiery core
There’s an amassing armor and it’s building you into a bore
Life’s a match in a gas tank
Don’t ever mourn the ebbing tide
Just dance on fire and enjoy the ride
Hey!
Mend this careless thread, it’s gone askew
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)
Or pull and see how much we can undo
(Thread on my sweater is pendulous, step back and pull it
Watch it unravel faster than a speeding bullet)

A gift I didn't think could be real

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

The only instrument I know how to play (and we are using the world play quite liberally here haha) is the guitar.

But I'm still very much a beginner and really only know chords and pieces here and there of different songs (mostly Incubus of course) that I've attempted to teach myself.

Learning guitar is hard! A lot harder than I expected it to be. But I don't want to give up, I think it's fun. If only I had bigger hands/longer fingers it would probably be about a million times easier haha.

So since I can't really answer this question... instead today I will give a mini update on the this crazy life of mine since it's been a few weeks since I've really talked about anything thats going on.

I am happy. Life is going pretty well. It's been a long time since I could legitimately say that. I haven't felt this good, and this happy in quite awhile.

My kiddos are healthy and growing like weeds and are absolute joys in my life. I'm still on the better job search, and hopefully something will pan out soon with that so that come May I don't have to move to a smaller apartment.

My friends, as always, are amazing and I have such a great time with them. My birthday is coming up soon and I have no doubt they will somehow make it pretty epic haha.

Still looking into going to school for nursing, but figure all in due time, I have enough on my plate at the moment, but I haven't given up on that dream, or forgotten about it.

I still go to therapy, but only like once a month now, more for just a kind of  "check in and touch base see how things are going" kind of thing. I plan on phasing out the antidepressent in the next few months because I feel like I'm back to my "baseline" and won't be needing it anymore.

It's probably too soon to talk about this as well, and I'm probably jynxing myself by bringing it up... but I can't deny the fact that a big part of my feeling happy right now is because I've met a truly incredible guy.

Neither one of us wants to rush anything... but all those cliches that people talk about? Yeah, totally apply with him. "One soul inhabiting two bodies" Yup... we are so much alike, it's almost scary. And yet we have enough differences that it keeps it interesting.

So yes, of course, only time will tell what happens... but all I know is I like him, he seems to like me... my kids like him, he seems to like my kids, so maybe, just maybe, this story will have a happy ending, eh?

There was a black sheep

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

Jack Black is pretty hilarious as I'm sure you all can agree, and his "band" Tenacious D has some pretty funny songs, but this song, never fails to make me giggle :)

"KICKAPOO" By Tenacious D

..::Jack Black (Narrator)::..
A long ass fuckin' time ago,
In a town called Kickapoo,
There lived a humble family
Religious through and through.
But yea there was a black sheep,
And he knew just what to do.
His name was young J.B.
And he refused to step in-line.
A vision he did see of
Fucking rocking all the time.
He wrote a tasty jam
And all the planets did align.

..::Jack Black (Son)::..
Oh the dragon's balls were blazin'
As I stepped into his cave.
Then I sliced his fuckin' cockles,
With a long and shiny blade!
Twas I who fucked the dragon,
Fuckalizing fuckaloo!
And if you try to fuck with me,
Then I shall fuck you too!
Gotta get it on in the party zone!
I gots to shoot a load in the party zone!
Gotta lick a toad in a party zone!
Gotta suck a chode in the party zone!

..::Meat Loaf (Father)::..
You've disobeyed my orders son,
Why were you ever born?
Your brother's ten times better than you,
Jesus loves him more.
This music that you play for us
Comes from the depths of hell.
Rock and roll's the devil's work,
He wants you to rebel.
You'll become a mindless puppet;
Beelzebub will pull the strings!
Your heart will lose direction,
And chaos it will bring.
You'd better shut your mouth,
You better watch your tone!
You're grounded for a week with no telephone!
Don't let me hear you cry,
Don't let me hear you moan!
You gotta praise The Lord when you're in my home!

..::Jack Black (Son)::..
Dio can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone...
I'm askin' for your guidance,
Won't you come down from your throne?
I need a tight compadre
Who will teach me how to rock.
My Father thinks you're evil,
But man, he can suck a cock.
Rock is not the devil's work,
It's magical and rad.
I'll never rock as long as I am
Stuck here with my Dad...

..::Ronnie James Dio (Dio poster)::..
I hear you brave young Jables,
You are hungry for the rock.
But to learn the ancient method,
Sacred doors you must unlock.
Escape your father's clutches,
On this oppressive neighborhood.
On a journey you must go,
To find the land of Hollywood!
In The City of Fallen Angels,
Where the ocean meets the sand,
You will form a strong alliance,
And the world's most awesome band!
To find your fame and fortune,
Through the valley you must walk.
You will face your inner demons.
Now go my son and rock!

..::Jack Black (Narrator)::..
So he bailed from fuckin' Kickapoo
With hunger in his heart.
And he journeyed far and wide
To find the secrets of his art.
But in the end he knew
That he would find his counterpart.
Rooooock!
Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock.
Raye-yayayayaye-yock.

You make me feel like I am home again

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

This is such a morbid question! But I guess it's a legitimate question to ask. And I think it's best to make your wishes known, especially now that I don't really have a "next of kin" that would handle my funeral... I really don't know who would take the reins. So maybe I should say right now, right here, what my wishes are so that theres no question or confusion if I happen to kick the bucket anytime soon!

I don't want to be buried. I want to be cremated. I would like the majority of my ashes spread in the water at Cannon Beach. I would like each of my boys to either have a small urn, or something of their choosing to keep a small amount of ashes in for them. They are free to do with it what they wish, whether it be keeping it, or spreading it someplace that would mean something special for them. If any of my other friends or family would also like a small urn to either keep or spread somewhere special, that is okay as well.

So since I won't be buried, I really won't have a "funeral" but more a memorial service. And I will leave the music choice for the most part up to whoever ends up handling that. I'm not so anal that I would want to control the entire playlist... but I do have one request, please play this song:

"LOVESONG" By The Cure

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am home again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am whole again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am young again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am fun again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am free again
Whenever I'm alone with you
You make me feel like I am clean again

However far away I will always love you
However long I stay I will always love you
Whatever words I say I will always love you
I will always love you

You and me

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

As we all know, I've been married once before and that did not play out so well, so I'm not sure how I would feel about ever getting remarried.

I haven't totally written off the idea, but yeah, defintely going to be sure I've found the "right" one before I take a walk down the aisle again. But speaking of walks down the aisle, technically, I never did that before.

I was married in a courthouse. So if I ever do take the plunge again... I am doing it my "dream" wedding way. Which isn't fancy, or spendy, just what I always wanted, but never got to have.

I want to get married on the beach. Preferably Cannon Beach. I just want close family and friends, and a simply flowy white dress with hair loose and flowers galore... And the song I want played is:

"LOVE" By John Lennon

Love is real, real is love,
Love is feeling, feeling love,
Love is wanting to be loved.
Love is touch, touch is love,
Love is reaching, reaching love,
Love is asking to be loved.
Love is you,
You and me,
Love is knowing,
We can be.
Love is free, free is love,
Love is living, living love,
Love is needing to be loved.

Worn out places, worn out faces

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad

This song, both lyrically and melodically is a nice song to listen to when you're down... because it just fits the "mood" so well, I think!

"MAD WORLD" By Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

We place our happiness in other people's hands

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy

This song is such a positive "feel good" song (much like my personality haha) that I love listening to it when I'm in a good mood! :)

"AFFIRMATION" By Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

A broken promise is as good as a lie

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Ask anybody that knows me... I'm not much of an "angry" person. Sure I have my moments where someone or something can tick me off a little bit, but its more of an annoyed or disgusted emotion, than anger. Anger is such a strong word, much like the word hate. It really takes A LOT to make me truly "angry" and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've felt so angry I could just explode. But if you're asking for a song that can match my mood when I'm a bit peeved, then it would be this.

"ALL HOPE IS GONE" By Slipknot

The state of the nation-violation!
A broken promise is as good as a lie
The hell is humongous, the devil's among us
And we will burn because we won't unite

What we are conceding for freedom?
Why does anybody think we need 'em?
I would rather fight, than let another die
We're the problem, but we're also the solution
ALL HOPE IS GONE!!!

If you want you cannot take it from me
If you think you can, you still don't know me
Let me tell you man, I said it, I meant it
And I will always have the right to defend it

50 seconds, 100 murders
The Bill Of Rights is a bill of sale
What will you do when the war is over?
What will you do when your system FAILS?

WE HAVE MADE THE PRESENCE-OBSOLETE
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE

We've seen the fall of the elite
Bury your life
Take your disease
We'll end the world
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE


WE HAVE MADE THE PRESENCE-OBSOLETE
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE

We've seen the fall of the elite
Bury your life
Take your disease
We'll end the world
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE

The wretched are the wounded
The hungry starve to death
In a place where no-one goes
The air itself is a final breath

So discontinue
The antiseptic care charade
As a cry of justice comes
A malignant fire fades

I am the reason your future suffers
I am the hatred you won't embrace
I am the worm of a pure gestation
I am the remedy, spit in my face

All your laws and rules are outdated
All your subjects are killing the kings
I can rattle off a million other reasons why
But does it matter when the only thing we love will die?

WE HAVE MADE THE PRESENCE-OBSOLETE
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE

We've seen the fall of the elite
Bury your life
Take your disease
We'll end the world
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE


We've made the presence-obsolete
What do you want?
What do you need?
We'll find a way (WE'LL FIND A WAY)
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE

We've seen the fall of the elite
Bury your life
Take your disease
We'll end the world (WE'LL END THE WORLD)
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE

WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE!
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE!
WHEN ALL HOPE IS GONE!

Something I noticed when the light was just right

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Well of course you know that this is going to be an Incubus song... but it's so hard for me to say what is my favorite album by them... because every one of their albums is so unique.

Fungus Amongus was an amazing mix of funk and metal and is the only album where you get to hear Brandon rapping.

Science I think is my favorite album by them for when I want to listen to something a little "harder" because it's a great mix of heavy metal/electronica/funk/jazz/hiphop/techno.

Make Yourself is where Incubus became more mainstream rock and is still a great album, but I feel they lost a bit of originality with this one.

Morning View is probably my favorite album by them for when I want to listen to something a little "softer" although, some songs on still have a nice edge to them, so it's a good mix.

A Crow Left of the Murder was  a completly different sound for them, and I think a lot of it had to do with the change in bassists. I still can't decide who I like better between Alex and Ben.

Light Grenades is perhaps their most diverse album of all in the fact that every single song is completely unique from the others.

So for this blog post, I will choose a song from Morning View, because I just want to!

"ECHO" By Incubus

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting
Could you show me dear
Something I've not seen
Something infinitely interesting

People line up to recieve

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

This is a hard question... because like I've said before, things on the radio often get overplayed, and then I end up not liking it anymore. I'd hate to take a song I love to listen to and have it be ruined for me! So I think I will just go with... if I were listening to the radio  right now... what would I want to hear right now... but not every hour on the hour as it seems with the "popular" songs on the radio lol.

"ELECTRIC FEEL" by MGMT

All along the western front
People line up to receive.
She got the power in her hands
To shock you like you won't believe.
Saw her in the amazon
With the voltage running through her skin
Standing there with nothing on
She's gonna teach me how to swim

Ooh girl
Shock me like an electric eel
Baby girl
Turn me on with your electric feel

Ooh girl
Shock me like an electric eel
Baby girl
Turn me on with your electric feel

All along the eastern shore
Put your circuits in the sea
This is what the world is for
Making electricity
You can feel it in your mind
Oh you can do it all the time
Plug it in and change the world
You are my electric girl.

Ooh girl
Shock me like an electric eel
Baby girl
Turn me on with your electric feel

Ooh girl
Shock me like an electric eel
Baby girl
Turn me on with your electric feel

Do what you feel now
Electric feel now
Do what you feel now
Electric feel now
Do what you feel now
Electric feel now
Do what you feel now
Electric feel now
Do what you feel now
Electric feel now

Over and over

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

Not having a cdplayer in my car I have to listen to the radio A LOT. Which sometimes sucks... because sometimes theres nothing I really like on, or sometimes songs that I do like, get way overplayed. This song, is a combination of the two. Not only does it suck, but it gets way overplayed :( And that song would be: "WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME" By Adam Lambert

Not that I have anything against American Idol singers, because I think that show has really helped people with genuine talent make it big. And not that I have anything against flamboyantly gay men, because I don't, I have a lot of gay friends. I'm just not an Adam Lambert fan in particular.

One of these days I really need to get a car with a cdplayer... or someone was telling me theres a way to hook my mp3 player up to my car through the car lighter. So I will have to look into that! In the meantime, I get my "nonradio popular" music fix via pandora and browsing youtube music videos haha.

I don't want to forget how your voice sounds

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

I think this song just became way to overplayed... which happens to a lot of songs I like... so that's why oftentimes I try to listen to less popular music, just so it doesn't get ruined for me!

"DANCE DANCE" By Fallout Boy

She says she's no good with words but I'm worse
Barely stuttered out
"A joke of a romantic" or stuck to my tongue
Weighed down with words too over-dramatic
Tonight it's "it can't get much worse"
Vs. "no one should ever feel like.."

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

[Whispered:] We're going into D-Minor

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

You always fold just before you're found out
Drink up its last call
Last resort
But only the first mistake and I...

I'm two quarters and a heart down
And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write them
So you need them just to get by

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress, love

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead
Dance, this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Why don't you show me the little bit of spine
You've been saving for his mattress (mattress, mattress)
I only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

Dance, Dance
We're falling apart to half time
Dance, Dance
And these are the lives you'd love to lead

Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love (way they'd love)
Dance this is the way they'd love
If they knew how misery loved me

Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance
Dance, Dance

Leading you down into my core

Day 15 - A song that describes you

I decided to pick a song that best describes how I feel about myself, right now in this moment. It's not neccessarily how I feel all the time, or how I will always feel, just, again, I'm a work in progress, on so many levels :)

"BRING ME TO LIFE" By Evanescence

how can you see into my eyes like open doors
leading you down into my core
where I’ve become so numb without a soul my spirit sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

now that I know what I’m without
you can't just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I've been living a lie, there's nothing inside)
Bring me to life

frozen inside without your touch without your love darling only you are the life among the dead

all this time I can't believe I couldn't see
kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
I’ve been sleeping a thousand years it seems
got to open my eyes to everything
without a thought without a voice without a soul
don't let me die here
there must be something more
bring me to life

(Wake me up)
Wake me up inside
(I can’t wake up)
Wake me up inside
(Save me)
call my name and save me from the dark
(Wake me up)
bid my blood to run
(I can’t wake up)
before I come undone
(Save me)
save me from the nothing I’ve become

(Bring me to life)
I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside
(Bring me to life)

With a dream and my cardigan

I have fallen behind on 30 days of music, oh no! I'd like to say it was because I was so busy yesterday that I didn't have time to blog.... which is sort of true.... I did work, and then have a friend over... but truly, I could have found time to blog... but I think this is such an embarrassing blog post that I put it off haha... I will get even more flack for this, than I do for liking Lady Gaga... and let me just say... that I don't like this artist per se, just this ONE song, okay!? It's just so damn catchy, haha....

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

"PARTY IN THE U.S.A" By Miley Cyrus

I hopped off the plane at LAX
with a dream and my cardigan
welcome to the land of fame excess, (woah)
am I gonna fit in?

Jumped in the cab,
Here I am for the first time
Look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign
This is all so crazy
Everybody seems so famous

My tummys turnin and I'm feelin kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous,
That's when the taxi man turned on the radio
and a Jay Z song was on
and the Jay Z song was on
and the Jay Z song was on

So I put my hands up
They're playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin' my head like yeah
Moving my hips like yeah,
And I got my hands up,
They're playin my song
I know I'm gonna be ok
Yeah, It's a party in the USA
Yeah, It's a party in the USA

Get to the club in my taxi cab
Everybody's lookin at me now
Like "who's that chick, thats rockin' kicks?
She gotta be from out of town"

So hard with my girls not around me
Its definitely not a Nashville party
Cause' all I see are stilletos
I guess I never got the memo

My tummys turnin' and I'm feelin' kinda home sick
Too much pressure and I'm nervous
That's when the D.J. dropped my favorite tune
and a Britney song was on
and the Britney song was on
and the Britney song was on

So I put my hands up
They're playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin' my head like yeah
Moving my hips like yeah,
And I got my hands up,
They're playin my song
I know I'm gonna be ok
Yeah, It's a party in the USA
Yeah, It's a party in the USA

Feel like hoppin' on a flight (on a flight)
Back to my hometown tonight (town tonight)
Something stops me everytime (everytime)
The DJ plays my song and I feel alright!

So I put my hands up
They're playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin' my head like yeah (Oh, nodding my head)
Moving my hips like yeah, (Ooh Yeah)
And I got my hands up,
They're playin' my song
I know I'm gonna be ok (gonna be okay)
Yeah (huh huh), It's a party in the USA (Yeah)
Yeah, It's a party in the USA

So I put my hands up
They're playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away (flying away)
Noddin' my head like yeah (nodding my head like yeah)
Moving my hips like yeah, (moving my hips like yeah)
And I got my hands up,
They're playin' my song
I know I'm gonna be ok (I'm gonna be okay)
Yeah (Yeah), It's a party in the USA
Yeah (hahaha), It's a party in the USA (Party in the USA!)

I've had a little bit too much

Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure

People either love or hate Lady Gaga... well... I love her haha. Maybe not as much as my friend Kelly... but I do get a lot of flack for liking Lady Gaga so much... because she's well, so pop and so mainstream lol. But I don't care, her songs are awesome. Here is my fave by her...

"JUST DANCE" By Lady Gaga

Red One
Konvict
Gaga

I've had a little bit too much
All of the people start to rush.
Start to rush babe.
A dizzy twister dance
Can't find my drink or man.
Where are my keys, I lost my phone.
What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright.

Just dance. Gonna be okay.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance. Spin that record babe.
Da-doo-doo-doo
Just dance. Gonna be okay.
Duh-duh-duh-duh
Dance. Dance. Dance. Just dance.

Wish I could shut my playboy mouth.
How'd I turn my shirt inside out? Inside out babe.
Control your poison babe
Roses with thorns they say.
And we're all gettin' hosed tonight.
What's going on on the floor?
I love this record baby, but I can't see straight anymore.
Keep it cool what's the name of this club?
I can't remember but it's alright, alright.

When I come through on the dance floor checking out that catalogue.
Can't believe my eyes so many women without a flaw.

And I ain't gonna' give it up, steady tryna pick it up like a call
I'm gonna hit it, I'm gonna hit it and flex and do it until tomorrow, yeah
Shorty i can see that you got so much energy
The way you twirling up them hips round and round
There's no reason at all why you can't leave here with me
In the meantime stay, let me watch you break it down.

Half psychotic, sick hypnotic got my blueprint it's symphonic.
Half psychotic, sick hypnotic got my blueprint electronic.
Half psychotic, sick hypnotic got my blueprint it's symphonic.
Half psychotic, sick hypnotic got my blueprint electronic.

Go. Use your muscle, carve it out, work it, hustle
I got it, just stay close enough to get it
Don't slow! Drive it, clean it lysol, bleed it
Spend the last dough
(I got it)
In your Pocko
(I got it)

The incredible shrinking woman!

It's official! I have lost 60lbs! It is so amazing to me that I have been able to accomplish such a feat. When I set out on my weight loss journey 6 months ago, with a goal to either lose 100 lbs, or be able to fit into a size 8, whichever came first... I thought it would be impossible... but, I am more than halfway there!

People look at me and tell me I look so great, and that they can totally tell I've lost weight. I know the scale doesn't lie, and I know my clothing sizes have defintely gone down, from a 24/26 to a 12/14.

But when I look at myself in the mirror... I still see a fat person... and I hate it. But I know that I will eventually be skinny again... and it's just a matter of time, I need to have patience...

Sometimes it takes seeing old pictures of myself to remind me of how much bigger I used to be, and how far I've come in 6 months... and that 6 months from now I will (hopefully) be at my goal and looking at pictures from now and going oh my gosh look how much I've changed!

I don't ever want to go back to where I came from... so thats why it's better that the weight loss has been gradual, and that I'm trying to lose it over the course of a year from healthy lifestyle changes rather than crash dieting. Less likely to gain it back that way. But I wish these last pesky 40 lbs would just disappear, haha!

Me 60 lbs ago... oi... but I had my eyebrow pierced! Haha

Me now...

It feels like trading brains with an imbecile

Day 12 - A song from a band you hate

Well we've already talked about the fact that I loathe country music, and especially the song "NEED YOU NOW" by Lady Antebellum.

But I wanted to dig deeper, and see if I could think of a band I hated from a genre of music I typically like... and the only band that really came to mind was Owl City. And I especially hate their song "FIREFLIES".

That is another song that even if there is nothing else on the radio, I would turn the radio off because I would rather listen to silence. That song annoys me on so many levels.

And I thought maybe it was just the song... but no I listened to some of the other songs, and they are just as bad.

And then I heard a song called "BRIELLE" by Sky Sailing and I was like this song sucks almost as bad as that damn "FIREFLIES" song, and come to find out, Sky Sailing, and Owl City are the same dude. Go figure, lol.

Could we please go back to start?

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

Okay I know I'm supposed to be branching out from Incubus... but it asked for a song from my favorite band... and there's just no denying who that is! LOL

"11 A.M." By Incubus

Seven am;
The garbage truck beeps as it backs up
And I start my day thinking about what I've thrown away.
Could I push rewind?
The credits traverse, signifying the end
But I missed the best part.
Could we please go back to start?
Forgive my indecision

Then again, Then again, Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Eleven am,
By now you would think that I would be up
But my bedsheets shade the heat of choices I've made
And what did I find?
I never thought I could want someone so much
'Cause now you're not here and I'm knee deep in that old fear.
Forgive my indecision... I am only a man.

Then again, Then again, Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But, then again, a day will come when I want off that ride.

Twelve pm and my dusty telephone rings.
Heavy head up from my pillow, who could it be?
I hope its you.

Then again, you're always first when no one's on your side
But, then again, the day has come and I want off that ride.

Slow down

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

If I can't sleep... this song usually helps me fall asleep... not because it's boring, no, nothing like that, it's just so mellow and soothing :)

"THE TOURIST" By Radiohead

It barks at no-one else but me,
like it's seen a ghost.
I guess it's seen the sparks a-flowin,
no-one else would know.
Hey man, slow down, slow down,
idiot, slow down, slow down.

Sometimes I get overcharged,
that's when you see sparks.
They ask me where the hell I'm going?
At a 1000 feet per second,

hey man, slow down, slow down,
idiot, slow down, slow down.

Hey man, slow down, slow down,
idiot, slow down, slow down.

I'm having fun, don't put me down

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to

Anybody that knows me well knows 2 things about me.

1) I don't sing. Really. I dont. Sing. Especially not in front of people! I know I have a terrible singing voice and I refuse to subject anyone to it. I don't even like to hear myself sing... which is why I don't even sing in the shower, or in the car. The only time I EVER sing, which is usually just a line or two, is when I have the music so loud that I can't hear myself, or I'm wearing headphones.

2) I don't dance. Really. I dont. Dance. Especially not in front of people! I know I'm a terrible dancer and I refuse to subject anyone to it. I don't even dance when I'm all alone. The only time I EVER dance is when I'm being goofy with Charlie and pick him up and twirl him around the room.

But, there is one song out there, that makes me WANT to dance. Not in front of anyone of course, because that will never happen. People have even tried to get me drunk to get me to karaoke with them, or dance with them. But even that failed. Even in my alcohol clouded state, I still know better than to sing or dance in front of anyone. Trust me, I'm doing y'all a favor!

"BULLETPROOF" By La Roux

Been there, done that messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet

I won't let you in again
The messages I tried to send
My information's just not going in
Burning bridges shore to shore
I break away from something more
I'm not turned on to love until it's cheap
Been there, done that messed around
I'm having fun, don't put me down
I'll never let you sweep me off my feet

This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now, I'm much too proud
To walk away from something when it's dead

Do, do, do your dirty words
Come out to play when you are hurt?
There's certain things that should be left unsaid

Tick, tick, tick, tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do is fill me up with doubt

This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

This time I'll be bulletproof
This time I'll be bulletproof

This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof
This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof

In this moment I am happy

The past 6 months have defintely been a rollercoaster ride, to say the least. I've experienced every emotion known in existance: joy, fear, sadness, disgust, anger, disapointment, remorse, contempt, longing, relief, pride, irritation, rage, shame, agony, depression, hopelessness, guilt, loneliness, horror, and anxiety, just to name a few!

I've cried myself to sleep more times than I wish to admit. But I feel like things are finally coming around... at least emotionally for myself... whether it be the antidepressant, or the therapy, or just time healing wounds, I don't know. But I haven't cried in a month... I think that's saying something :)

I don't think most people set out in life saying, I want my marriage to end in divorce, and I want to be a single parent! I didn't sign up for any of this.

I had always wanted children, yes, of course, and now that I have them, I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I don't honestly know, if I had been able to see into my future... if I would have had kids knowing how things turned out.

And it wouldn't just be because I would want to take the easy road for myself... but I would want whats best for my children. And the confusion of coming from a broken home is certainly not whats best for them.

But I've tried to make the best of a shitty sitaution. I know now that the Douchebag and I were not good for each other. It was the best thing in the world for us to split up.

And even though I lament on being a single parent... it's actually probably better for my kids that they are mostly spending time with me. Their father... is not a very good father. He's too selfish.

He made the decision to have kids... he should own up to that responsibilty, but he doesn't. And it's sad. It's his loss more so than anything else though.

I have more than enough love to give to the boys, they don't really need him, but I know he will regret his choices in the future, because I do think he needs them, he just doesn't realize it yet.

It frustrates me to no end that he only wants to be a "fair weather parent" he refuses most of the time to keep them overnights because its "too hard'.

Well I think I have the easiest children in the world to take care of.... so really... it's not too hard. But he doesn't like to deal with anything remotely hard.

I never thought I would be able to do this on my own... I never would have wanted to do this on my own. But I am surprising myself more and more each day with how well I am adjusting to having to do this alone. I can only hope that I'm doing a good job.

I feel like I am really coming into my own now. Understanding myself... loving myself... embracing my past, present, and future. Sure it's scary as hell to think of what my future may hold. Will it hold more sadness and heartache? Or will it hold happiness and love? 

I'm hanging on with hope, and with eyes open wide! :)

It's time we met and made a mess

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to

Sadly, I know all the words to most Incubus songs, and sadly, yes, I know I'm supposed to be trying to branch out from Incubus with this 30 days of music challenge... but when asked this question, this song for some reason immediately came to mind!

"ANNA MOLLY" By Incubus

A cloud hangs over this city by the sea.
I watch the ships pass and wonder if she might be (might be)
Out there and sober as well from loneliness.
Please do persist girl, it's time we met and made a mess .

I picture your face at the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic, a proof of the prize!
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly.

A cloud hangs over and mutes my happiness,
A thousand ships couldn't sail me back from distress. (distress)
Wish you were here and I'm a wounded satellite.
I need you now. Put me back together, make me right.

I picture your face at the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic, a proof of the prize!
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly.

I'm calling your name up into the air.
Not one of the others could ever compare.
Anna Molly, Anna Molly!

Wait... there is a light... there is a fire...
Illuminated attic.
Fate. Or something better? I couldn't care less,
Just stay with me a while.
Wait... there is a light... there is a fire,
Defragmenting the attic,
Fate? Or something better? I couldn't care less,
Just stay with me a while.

I picture your face at the back of my eyes,
A fire in the attic, a proof of the prize!
Anna Molly, Anna Molly, Anna Molly.

I'm calling your name up into the air.
Not one of the others could ever compare.
Anna Molly, Anna Molly!

Wait... there is a light... there is a fire
Defragmenting the attic, (Anna Molly!)
Fate? Or something better?
I could care less,
Just stay with me a while (Anna Molly!)

Let's get this marmaduke naked

I was rather bored this evening after the kiddos went to bed... as I usually am... facebook got boring because everyone had already gone to bed... and even I, yes I, got tired of watching music videos on youtube!

So I was browsing through the blogosphere and reading much more interesting blogs than my own (sorry I'm so boring haha) and I happened across a blog that was about dating/love type stuff and it has some quotes in it that I can rather relate to.

About dating:  "Dating is just awkward moments and one person wants more than the other. It's just that constant strangeness. I think it's a very real thing." Jason Schwartzman

How true is this... dating is so awkward! I'm really beginning to feel like its a game... is he into me... am I into him... I don't want to seem too desperate... but I don't want to seem uninterested... oh my gosh, is he too desperate... oh my gosh is he uninterested! Who makes the first move? Should I? Should he? Why hasn't anyone made a move yet! Am I moving too fast, am I moving too slow... Am I talking too much... am I being too quiet/shy? Why isn't he talking?! Why won't he shut up? Did I say too much? Did I say the wrong thing? OMG I can't believe he just said that!

About love: “All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there's someone perfect... who might be searching for us.” The Wonder Years
                  "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." Robert Frost
                  "Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves."  Henri Frederic Amiel

One would think... that with all the people in the world... there would be less single people... because isn't it in our human nature to want to love and be loved? So why aren't more people trying to form relationships?

Why is it so hard for people to find "compatible" people that they can fall in love with? Why am I having such a hard time finding a non-douchebag guy that wants to date me?

I mean I know I'm not exactly the perfect package, both physically and situationally... but you would think that with all the single available men out there... I could find at least ONE that wanted me, and that I could want back, right?

I think perhaps its because people are afraid to open themselves to the potential of love. They fear getting hurt, and so they hold back. I can relate... how many times have I been hurt?

But I realized something... it doesn't matter how the story ends... but the fact that you had a story to tell. I would rather experience life and love to the fullest and risk the possiblity of heartbreak (again) than to just sit on the sidelines watching life go by with my heart wrapped up too tightly in bubble wrap to let anyone in.

And just like in a previous blog post where I took a pic of myself with no makeup on, embracing my unique beauty...

I took this picture trying to portray and embrace my unique sexyness... sure it's kinda racy... but not half as bad as anything you see in magazines (haha)!

Far away and dreaming

Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event

You know how it is that a song can remind you of a certain event... and you almost NEVER hear that song... but then something happens, and it seems like that song is all you ever hear anymore and it's like the world trying to REMIND you of that certain event... even though it hurts!

Well thats what happened to me. This song reminds me of my wedding reception, because it is the song we chose to have our first dance as "man and wife" to. And of course.... never heard it much on the radio before...but as soon as we start the whole divorce thing.... BAM it's all I freaking hear on the radio now.

"I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING" By Aerosmith

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming
Wondering if it's me you're seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we're together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
'Cause I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

I don't wanna close my eyes
I don't wanna fall asleep
'Cause I'd miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing
'Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I'd still miss you, babe
And I don't wanna miss a thing

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

Picture perfect

Here it is, almost a full week into the "New Year" and I haven't come up with any "resolutions" yet. I keep getting asked, so I finally took the time to sit down and think about it.

Well the most popular resolutions, I already started doing 6 months ago, or have no need to. Losing weight, check. Saving money, check. Stop smoking, well I never began, so check. Drink less, well I feel that given my current plight, I probably don't drink enough, so check again!

So the ones I came up with were this:

Try to get more sleep. I only get on average, 25 hours of sleep a week.

Try to learn how to cook more. I know it seems kind of silly right now since I would really only be cooking for myself (since Charlies more of a hot dog/chicken nugget/pbj kind of kid) but someday I hope to be in a relationship again, and he would probably appreciate someone who could do more than make a sandwhich for him.

I need to see more movies. Whether it be going to the theater more, or renting more... I very rarely watch movies anymore these days. I feel so out of the loop.

Find a better job. Unfortunately much like the boyfriend search, the job search has just been fraught with rejection as well.

Spend more time with my friends.

Try not to worry or stress so much.

Become more devoted to learning the guitar.

Go to college.

Fall in love. Who cares if I fall out of it, or if it doesn't work out. I just want to experience love again, for the fun of it.

And finally... learn to love myself more... flaws and all. I'm working on that currently... I used to hate having pictures taken of me, because I could only ever see the negatives... I'm trying to take more pictures of myself, and have fun with it, knowing that I'm not perfect, but embracing my unique beauty nonetheless. 

So here is a picture I took... in the buff... both clothing and makeup wise... fresh from the shower... can't get more real than that!

I guess we know the score

Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere

When I hear this song I am reminded of sitting in my therapists office... discussing and dissecting my life... particularly my love life... specifically the visit where I discussed finding out that The Smooth Operator was married, and that The Player had tried to sleep with my friend, and of course, everything The Douchebag had ever done to me.

"THE SHOW MUST GO ON" By Queen

Empty spaces - what are we living for?
Abandoned places - I guess we know the score...
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?

The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache - another failed romance.
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are living for?

I guess I'm learning
I must be warmer now..
I'll soon be turning round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I'm aching to be free!

The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking!
But my smile, still, stays on!
Yeah! oh oh oh

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
I can fly, my friends!

The Show must go on! Yeah!
The Show must go on!
I'll face it with a grin!
I'm never giving in!
On with the show!

I'll top the bill!
I'll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!

The Show must go on.

Could I push rewind?

Okay, I did my obligatory post for 30 days of music already, so this isn't another music blog post, this is a venting blog post... read only if you want to hear me rant! (HAHA)

I hate dating! This is way harder than it was in highschool... it was so easy back then... a cute boy was interested in me... we went out... we became bf/gf... end of story. No games, no bullshit. I guess back then, the guys hadn't had time to perfect their "game" yet...

Now it's so complicated. I can never seem to tell if a guy is into me or not... and then they say/do stuff that leads me to believe they are... but then they end up just playing me for a fool. I'm sick of it.

Why can't I find one nondouchebag guy to date? And I'm not even talking about wanting to find someone for a serious relationship... just someone to talk to and hang out with... have fun with. With no games... no bullshit... no drama.

Is it so hard to tell someone you aren't interested in them? I'd much rather feel the sting of disapointment and have my feelings hurt for about a day when a guy says he doesn't have feelings for me... rather than be strung along believing I have a chance with someone... when really... I don't. That hurts a lot more, and for longer, and just pisses me off.

So I think I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I'm really done with dating for awhile... I've been burned too many times... it's just not fun anymore.

My life is full enough with my kids, my friends, and my work. Being single isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was just afraid of it because I had never been single before.

 Living alone is actually kind of nice for a change. I don't need a man in my life to complete me, or make me happy.

Sure, it would be nice to have someone to share life with... but I'm not in any huge hurry for that to happen. This sounds kind of trite, but I'm having all my needs met. My kids fulfuill my "love" needs, my friends fulfill my "social" needs.
Don't get me wrong... I'm not going to turn into a bitter old spinster, lol. If a nice guy crosses my path that looks like he's "dating or relationship" worthy... I won't turn it down just because I'm afraid I'll get hurt. I do believe it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.

So many things I should have known

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone

I was listening to this song the other day... and I was like wow... this song reminds me so much of The Douchebag!

"COLD" by Crossfade

Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold

To you I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high

I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold

Will you remember me?

Day 04 - A song that makes you sad

This song is beautiful... and I love it... but it does make me really sad... especially these days... so I try not to listen to it anymore... because it literally will bring me to tears, and not a lot of songs can do that.

"I WILL REMEMBER YOU" By Sarah McLachlan

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

I say it's all right

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

There are plenty of Incubus songs that make me happy, of course... but I am trying to branch out musically as much as possible with the 30 days of Music blog challenge, so I will pick a non incubus song haha.

Everything about this song is great from the lyrics to the melody... and everytime I hear it, it never fails to bring a smile to my face :)

"HERE COMES THE SUN" by The Beatles

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right

Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...
Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting
Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
and I say it's all right
It's all right

Tell me is that what you mean

Day 02 - Your least favorite song

Let's see... I'd like to think that I'm a pretty musically diverse person... although I've been trying to broaden my horizons even further lately... although I still find it hard to listen to rap (Except I like Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Eminem and Drake) and country is my least favorite of all...

On my facebook page I have a list of all the bands/artists/groups that I like... and the count is up to 270 and still growing!

Alternative rock will always be my most favorite genre... with Incubus of course being my most favorite band.

But I do like a lot of other genres as well... Acoustic, Indie, Reggae, Blues, Punk, Pop, Metal, Pop Punk, Pop Rock, Emo, Ska, Hip hop, R&B, Classic Rock, Soul, Electronica, Rock and Roll, Folk, Alternative Pop, Jazz, New Wave, Classical, Rocktronica, House, Groove, Funk, Trance, Geek Rock, Experimental, Powerpop, Latin, Dance, Screamo, Psychedelic Rock, and Hard Rock.

And again... just like it was hard to pick my all time favorite song... its hard to choose just one song that I hate the most... because you can pretty much lump all country music songs into that catergory for me... but I must say, since I don't have a cd player in my car I'm subjected to a lot of music I wouldn't normally listen to, but I've learned to tolerate most everything just so I have something to listen to on the drive to work.

But there is one song... that even if all the other stations are playing commerical... even if this is the one song on the radio... I will turn the radio off because I'd rather listen to silence.

I don't know WHAT it is that bothers me so much about this song... but I can't stand it, LOL.

And that song is... "NEED YOU NOW" by Lady Antebellum... UGH!!!!! Even thinking about it is bugging me already haha.

Take the wheel and steer

Happy New Year everybody... here's hoping that 2011 is a lot better for me, and for all my other friends that had a shitty year last year as well :)

There's not too much for me to blog about currently... I spent the first month with this blog venting about all the crap that was happening to me... and it helped immensely... because I've gotten it all off my chest, and  since I'm in therapy and on an antidepressant now, and sleeping better thanks to Ambien, I really feel like things are going on a pretty even keel, and I really don't have anything worth venting over right now haha.

I spent the second month with the blog doing 30 days of truth... that also helped me heal quite a bit as well, examing my past, present, and possible future.

And yesterday I gave a year in review so yeah... just kind of treading water right now with blogging! My life isn't too terribly exciting... and theres really nothing new to report... but I don't want to quit blogging, because who knows, something shitty could happen again that I need to vent about, or something exciting or new could happen as well.

And I don't want to let down my readers! So I will give a lil mini update here and there... but for the most part, I've found a new blog challenge to partcipate in. This one is called "30 Days of Music!"

Here I go.... !!!!

Day 01 - Your favorite song

Hmmm... this is a hard one... I love so many songs... especially Incubus songs... so it's hard for me to choose my "All time Favorite Song"... so instead I will share the lyrics of the Incubus song that I believe describes me best:

"DRIVE" by Incubus

Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine
Hold the wheel and drive

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there