I have never

Finally! The last day!

Day 30 - Whatever tickles your fancy favorite

Today I will write about my favorite place that I want to visit someday. I've already lamented on how I've never ridden in a plane... which is so sad for someone like me who loves to travel so much.

And while road trips are plenty fun, there are a ton of places in the world I would love to see someday. Since I love warm weather, there are plenty of tropical places I'd like to visit, like Hawaii, the Bahamas, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, and Jamaica.

But I'm also quite fascinated with asian culture, so I'd love to visit Singapore, Tokyo, and Seoul. And of course there are many wonderful places in Europe I'd love to venture to: Paris, Iceland, Stockholm, Athens, and Dublin.

I also think Kenya, Trinidad, Tanzania, Sydney, and Cairo would be great as well. But most of all... someday.... before I die, I hope to visit Italy.

Italy is just so diverse... and every city has something amazing to offer! From the Canals of Venice, to the Beauty of Bologna , to the Uniqueness of Manarola, to the Magnificence of the Amalfi Coast, to the Pretty Pavia,   to the History of Rome, to the culture of Florence, to the Wine Country of Tuscany, to the Fashion of Milan... I want to see it all :)

Venice

Bologna

Florence

Manarola

Rome

Milan

Amalfi

Pavia

Tuscany

That kind of girl

Day 29 - Your favorite color

Ha... after all these hard and "deep" favorites... we're wrapping up with an easy one. Nice :) My favorite color is blue. Who knows why everyone has different favorite colors. Why does one color appeal to one person, and not another?

And I don't know if I can say WHY exactly my favorite color is blue, other than I just like it a lot. Both to wear, and just in general. Maybe because it reminds me of a beautiful blue sky... or a calm ocean? It's serene... tranquil... soothing.

But also not boring. There are so many varying shades of blue... from the cutesy baby blue.... to the dramatic navy blue. I like them all, in different situations.

Some people think everyone is born with the tendency to favor one color over another. Who knows why? Some think it has something to do with our personalities. Out of curiosity I looked up what it means for my personality if my favorite color is blue, and here is what it said:

"Blue: Soft, soothing, compassionate and caring, Blue is the color of deliberation and introspection, conservatism and duty. Patient, persevering, conscientious, sensitive and self-controlled, Blues like to be admired for their steady character and wisdom. They are faithful, but are often worriers with somewhat inflexible beliefs and can be too cautious, and suspicious of flamboyant behavior."

Soothing, compassionate, and caring? Check.

Deliberate, introspective, conservative, and dutiful? Check.

Patient, perservering, conscientous, sensitive? Check.

Not so sure if I agree with the self-controlled part. I defintely have my moments there. But getting better. I like people to think I am wise with a steady character? Check.

Faithful, check.

Worrier, check check check. Such a worrier! If worrying was a sport I would be MVP.

I don't neccessarily agree with the inflexible beliefs part. I think I'm pretty open minded. So overall, sure. But not everything matches.

Who doesn't love blue?! Haha

Ponder the thought

Day 28 - Your favorite hope

I have quite a few hopes. I hope that I am able to find a decent place for me and my children to live. I hope that I am able to go to college soon. I hope that I am able to find a better job soon. I hope that Mr. Wonderful and I are going to have a happily ever after kind of story.

But my favorite hope, is with my kiddos. I hope that I am a good enough mom to them to be able to raise them into not just functional adults, but above average human beings. I hope I am instilling in them a selfless compassion, an honest nature, and a loving disposition.

All moms make mistakes, and goodness knows I've made my fair share. But I hope the good memories supercede any bad memories they may have had. No mom is perfect, and I wouldn't want to be perfect anyways, it's our imperfections that make us human, and make us unique. We are all, always, works in progress.

I know I'm not, but a girl can dream!

To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real

Day 27 - Your favorite year

Well in the past... I guess you could say 2006/2007 was one of my fave years... Charlie was born on the tail end of '06 so the last 2 months of that years were pretty amazing, being a new mom and all, and then '07, the first year of his life was pretty good as well.

But being a new mom to him was about the only thing good about those years. The Douche and I had split up shortly after Charlie was born b/c he was of the mindset that he didn't think he should be responsible for the baby, and that his days were better spent hanging out with his friends playing poker.

But we went to marriage counseling and got back together. And things were better, for awhile. He still wasn't much of a help as a father, but instead of going out every night, he went out a few nights a week.

Again should have realized back then that I deserved better, that my child deserved better. But I guess I just didn't know any better. I didn't have a lot of self worth back then.

I believed what he told me about being ugly, worthless, and not important. I just took all the abuse and kept quiet... silently falling apart more and more each day.

I really hope he treats his current girlfriend better... but granted, he treated me great in the beginning too... but over time, his facade fell apart and I was able to see him for the miserable selfish bastard he was.

I wish I could say that 2010 was another good year, b/c that was the year in which Timmy was born.... but we all know that shortly after he was born my life was turned upside down. Of course, now reflecting back, it was the best damn thing that could have ever happened to me, but of course, at the time extremely hard. Change is always hard, even if its for the best.

So I can honestly say, that so far, 2011 is my favorite year. I know we are only 3 months into it, and there are of course some dark clouds on the horizon with dealing with the divorce, and figuring out where I'm going to live, etc, but the positives of this year FAR outweigh the negatives. And I know as the months go by, this year is only going to get better :) My kids are growing and changing and bring so much joy to me... my relationship with Mr. Wonderful is the best I've ever been in, and my love is growing exponentially every day!

I lean against the wind

Day 26 - Whatever tickles your fancy favorite

Ah, another one of these. Haha. I can never think of what to write about! So since I can't think of anything to write about, I will do one of those dumb little things where you put your music player on shuffle and answer questions to the song title thingy. Lame, I know, but hey, I've done lots of writing today. JENN YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Swimming in the Flood [Passion Pit]. 
Makes sense?

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Vanished [Crystal Castles]
Um, maybe?

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Black and Blue [Miike Snow]
This could be taken so many ways...

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Country [Empire of The Sun]
Dunno what to say to that

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Remind Me [Royksopp] 
Haha this works

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Home [Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros] 
Sounds good to me

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Simple Kind of Life [No Doubt] 
I wish

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Zombie [The Cranberries]
Haha suuure

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
Serenity [Deepak Chopra]
Yup he makes me very serenely happy!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Help I'm Alive [Metric]
So true

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Medication [Garbage] 
I swear I didn't cheat! But how fitting since I want to be a nurse haha

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE?
Satisfaction [The Biz]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Celebrity Skin [Hole]
Ok, whatev

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Can't Take My Eyes off of You [Frankie Valli] I could see that

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Two White Horses [Shortstack] 
WHAT?!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Daylight  [Matt and Kim]
Kinda works

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Young for Eternity [The Subways]
I wish

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
It Had to Be You [Motion City Soundtrack]

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
As you're Falling Down[Escape the Fate]
It's true, I hate falling

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Follow [Breaking Benjamin]

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
 The Killing Moon [Nouvelle Vague]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Safe Ride [Cute Is What We Aim For]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Someday We'll Be Together [The Supremes]
Not sure what that means

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Battle Royale [Does it Offend You, yeah?]
Yeah pretty scary

DOES ANYONE LOVE YOU?
Keys to the Heart [Danny Wright] Yup!

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Hotel Song [Regina Spektor] 
I guess?

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
Cuts Down to The Wire [Rumble Club]
Guess I could see that

From the depths of the sea to the tops of the trees

Day 25 - Your favorite month

I'd have to say August. Where I live so much of the year it's nasty and cold and rainy. So summers are very short here, and the best summer month we have is August. And since so much of what I love to do is outdoorsy, then I'd defintely have to say August is the best month!

I can't wait for the weather to get better so I can start doing all the things I love to do, that I wasn't able to do much of the past 9 years because my douchebag ex wasn't the outdoorsy type. He's the sit on his ass and play videogames and ignore his wife and kids type. Sorry, venting a bit, haha.

But now that my boyfriend is so like me... outdoorsy as well... I forsee this August as being the best of my life. We are going to have so much fun hiking, and camping, and going on beach trips, etc.

We are hoping pretty soon here to go on a a helicopter tour of Seaside. Which I am so excited for because I have never been airborne. Never ridden in a plane, or helicopter. I can't wait! :)

What Seaside will look like via the air!

I think I'm onto something here

Day 24 - Your favorite day of the week.

Well right now, my favorite day of the week is Sunday, because Mr. Wonderful is off on the weekends, and lately I've been getting Sundays off, so it's kind of become our unofficial day together :)

It's so nice to be with someone who I enjoy spending time with so much. We have so much in common, and such similar interests that it's easy to have fun together.

When we went to Cannon Beach the other day I asked him where he wanted to go for lunch, because I care about what HE wants, and he said wherever I wanted, because he likes making ME happy.

And I said how about Mo's because their clam chowder is one of my favorite things ever and he's like ME TOO! I was hoping we could go there. But even if we aren't off having fun adventurous together... some of the best time ever is just spent laying in bed cuddling with him and talking and laughing.

And boy does he make me laugh, and smile. It's such a change to be with someone that is actually worth being in a relationship with! No fighting, no nastyness, just happiness :)

Kiss before the sky falls

Day 23 - A photo of you taken recently

Well enough of the depressing drama that is always brought about by dealing with my ex. As scary and as crappy as life can be, worrying about where I'm going to live and how I'm going to support the kiddos, etc.

There is a silver lining in my life right now :) My boyfriend... Mr Wonderful... oh how he lives up to that name :) He makes me so happy. He is so good to me, and I can telll he actually cares about me.

Which is probably the first time a guy has ever really cared about ME. I don't expect a guy to be all about me, nor do I want it, him and his life and needs are important too, and I do my best to make HIM happy.

But it is just such a pleasant change to have a guy that actually wants to make ME happy TOO. I'm used to selfish men... and me not mattering. It's hard to get used to, and hard to not feel guilty sometimes.

But I am defintely one lucky woman... and so much in love :) And it is a great bonus that he likes the kiddos and spending time with all of us. Here are some pics we took on our Seaside trip from Saturday, enjoy!

 Me and my love, Mr Wonderful :)

Me, Mr. Wondeful, and Timmy :)

Me and the kiddos :)

Charlie and Mr. Wonderful :)

Charlie and I :)

Mr. Wonderful and Charlie :)

Me and the kiddos :)

Charlie :)

Timmy :)

I'm over my head

Sigh. I know. I'm 8 days behind. Again. I'm very sorry. I have 2 days to catch up, so I will do 4 today and 4 tomorrow. But before I jump right in, let me explain some of what has been going on lately which would explain why I've been too busy to blog.

As you all know, I'm a single mom. I've been able to make it work the past 5 months since my ex moved out b/c he kept contributing towards the rent/etc. Well now that my lease is up April 30th, I'm facing the challenge of how to make everything work on my $13k a year I make at my job, and the piddly amount my ex is willing to pay for child support.

I've done the math every which way possible, and it just isn't working. So I've been trying for the past 5 months to 1) either find a better paying job. Ha, what a joke in this economy... or 2) find a roomate and/or cheaper place to live.

It would be so easy to find a roomate or a cheap room to rent if it was just me. But it's been a challenge to find either a roomate or a room to rent with the fact that I have 2 kids. Nobody wants to deal with it.

Which I don't blame them, I understand. Much as I knew it would be difficult to date as a single mom... nobody really wants to get involved with that (Luckily I have an awesome boyfriend that doesn't see my kiddos as a bad thing and is happy to date me) but it's also difficult figuring out where me and the kids are going to live on such a limited budget.

Where I live now is pretty much the cheapest place I've found... but I still won't be able to afford it. Intially my plan, hard as it was going to be on me emotionally to let my ex take the kids full time, it seemed to be my only option because it would be much easier for me to find a cheap place for just me, and then if he had them most of the time I could focus on going to school so I could get a better job so that I could afford a place so that I could have the kids back.

But that turned into a huge drama filled fight. So now it's looking like not only will I be keeping the kiddos, which emotionally is the best thing, just not financially, but I'm in a time crunch to figure out where the hell we are going to live, and how the hell I'm going to afford it.

I didn't want to have to drag expensive lawyers into it... but my ex refuses to be fair to me and the kids. All I've asked for is $575 a month in child support.  That's less than 300 a kid. And let me tell you, it costs way more than 300 a month to support a child.

And with me only bringing home 600 a month... yeah... its just near impossible. So the battle is beginning... and the sleepless worried filled nights are back... of just how the hell I'm going to make this work.

Trying to find a cheap place to live, trying to find cheap daycare for the kids so I can try to work more hours, and trying to figure out how much my cheap ass douche of an ex is going to be paying to support HIS children he's half way responsible for.... or so he seems to forget.

We've come this far

Day 22 - Your favorite time of day

I guess that really depends on what's going on... but despite the fact that I'm not really a morning person, I'd have to say mornings. Because it's my favorite time of day with my kiddos where they come have morning snuggles with me :)

And it's also pretty nice when Mr. Wonderful stays the night and I get to have morning snuggles with him too!

I love him :)

A picture says with sight what we can't say with words

Day 21 - A favorite hobby of yours

Besides reading? Hmm... Besides Blogging? Hmm... Besides wasting time on Facebook? Hmm... besides wasting time on youtube? Hmm...  I guess photography then. Obviously my fave subject is my kiddos :) But I also like taking photos when I visit different places as well. I defintely know I'm not talented, but it's still fun :)

Here's some photos of Cannon Beach from my last visit.

It was a wonderful day... with... Mr. Wonderful! :)

It transcends the bad things

Day 20 - Another whatever tickles your fancy favorite

Hmm... last time I picked writing about my tea love affair. What could I write about now? I've already written about all my big loves... and favorites... my kiddos... my friends... music... movies... tea... books... hiking... the beach... what else do I love that I haven't talked about already? Hmm... theres really nothing else, haha!

So instead of writing about another favorite... I will just write about whatever tickles my fancy.

So big news... My lease is up April 30th, and I will be moving... and the kiddos will not be going with me. It was a very difficult choice to make, to agree to let their father, whom I do not think is a very good father, have the kiddos live with him.

But in the long run it is whats best for the kids, because I've GOT to get a better job where I can support the kiddos on my own. Right now, it's just not happening. I can't make ends meet.

So I will be renting a room from a friend while I go to school full time. It is scary... sad... yet exciting all at the same time.

Exciting that I'm finally taking the reins on my life and doing something about my future... scary because it's been so long that I've been out of school... and sad b/c my kids, whom are my life, will only be spending every other weekend with me.

But they are young enough now that they won't remember this short period of time. It is only a temporary thing till I get better situated financially.

Plus believe it or not, I'm actually getting along okay with The Homewrecking Whore... hahaha... who knew?! She's good with the kiddos, so I know they will be in good hands with her.

And just because writing this blog entry is making me a little misty eyed... I need a laugh.

Hopefully it made you giggle as well :)

Softly stolen under our blanket skies

Day 19 - A favorite song that makes you cry, or makes you want to cry

"Galapogos" by The Smashing Pumpkins

ain't it funny how we pretend we're still a child
softly stolen under our blanket skies
and rescue me from me, and all that i believe
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?

carve out your heart for keeps in an old oak tree
and hold me for goodbyes-and whispered lullabyes
and tell me i am still
the man i'm supposed to be
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
will you leave me too?

too late to turn back now, i'm running out of sound
and i am changing, changing
and if we died right now, this fool you love somehow
is here with you
i won't deny the pain
i won't deny the change
and should i fall from grace here with you
would you leave me too?

It fell like a tear from my eye

Day 18 - Your favorite memoir

One of my fave authors is Mitch Albom... he has some really fantastic books. And his memoir, "Tuesdays with Morrie" is defintely my favorite memoir I've read.

It's very poignant... well written... a bit of a tear jerker... but defintely one of those books when you finish reading it you can actually say I'm glad I read that, that has enhanced my life. Defintely has some good life lessons in there we all could benefit from!

I'm cautious of who I will call a friend

Day 17 - Your favorite non-fiction book

I don't read a ton of non-fiction, fiction will always be my fave. But since I do like a lot of forensic thriller type books and cop books, it would make sense that my favorite non-fiction author is Ann Rule, since she writes about true-crime. I think true crime is a lot scarier to read about, because that shit has actually happened! Not... maybe it could happen... no, someone was actually crazy, sick, and twisted enough to do that.

Probably my favorite by her is "The Stranger Beside Me" which details how she knew Ted Bundy... before he became a serial killer... just goes to show you... that you never really know ANYONE.

There will be no foreplay

Day 16 - Your favorite magazine

Um, I don't really have one? I'm not a big magazine reader. Like I would never get a subscription to anything, or buy one at the store of my own accord. But the kid's Grandma always gives me her old People Magazine and I do enjoy reading those. So I guess, People!

I should really try to get more into magazines... there was a point in time I thought about making my own magazine just so I could say I was editior in chief of a magazine... haha.... I like to be the boss....

LIKE A BOSS!!! Okay, that was lame, I know. Sorry :(

Just to keep you on your toes

Holy shitskis... I've a lot of catching up to do! Haha... Jenn is always good about getting on my case when I start slacking off on updating my blog.

But like I told her... it's good that I'm so busy and so happy with everything that I forget about blogging haha. Mr. Wonderful and I had a lovely time at the coast the other day sans kiddos.

We went to my fave Cannon Beach and ate at Mo's and had yummy clam chowder! Then went to Seaside for some window shopping.

On the way home stopped at Kennedy School McMenamins for a Ruby, another fave. This is one of the things I love about Mr. Wonderful... we are sooo much alike, and have so much in common... we both love hiking... (and our both our fave place to hike is Silver falls) we both love the beach (although we have different fave beaches, but we can't be total twins, haha) we both love Mo's clam chowder... we both love the McMenamins Ruby... ah... it's nice to have a soulmate :)

Day 15 - A photo of you from 10 years ago

Yikes... I'm 26... so that means you want a photo of me when I was 16? Um... okay I guess that's not so bad haha.

Ah... highschool... so many good memories. Especially with Jenn! Since Jenn probably loves my blog the most, I'll post a pic of me AND her when we were 16, muhaha.

Weren't we dorks? We always used to go to Toys R Us and play till we got yelled at. And tried to go to every store in the mall and take funny pics with the merchandise... again... people liked to yell at us for that... I wonder why ;)

You magnify my better half

Greeting friends, loved ones, and the random folk that have stumbled across this blog. I am taking a break today from the 30 Days of Favorites blog challenge, as I have an actual blog that I would like to write today :)

I've been doing blog challenges with only mini life updates lately because there wasn't anything really exciting to report lately. Till now :) I had promised that if anything happened, good or bad, I would blog about it. So here goes!

As I've mentioned here and there I have been dating  a GREAT guy. I never gave him a codename, because I wasn't sure what to call him yet. But his codename should be "Mr. Wonderful" because that's what he is :)

Last night Mr. Wonderful and I decided to take the leap of faith, and become "official". That's right ladies and gents, after  nearly 7 months of singlehood, I am now off the market. So sorry to disapoint all those other fellas out there, har har.

It's going to be interesting, this adjustment. I had been in a relationship for so long, nearly 9 years, and then was just finally getting used to being single, something I had never really experience before (and it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be). To now I'm in a relationship again. I hope I remember how these things work ;)

But I have a feeling that this relationship is going to be unlike any other I've ever had. Infintely better. I've only been in 3 relationships previously, so I don't have toooo much to compare to, but already, I can tell it will be different. Because he is a GOOD guy. No make that a great guy, no make that a wonderful guy, no make that an amazing guy :)

It's funny how things work out. Who knew that by me signing up for a silly dating webstite, okcupid, and answering a bunch of personality questions and then browsing around trying to find someone I had a good percentage match with... and there were quite a few 70's and 80's percentage matches... but then BAM I saw his profile with a 90's percent match... clicked it... saw how cute he was... saw how much in common we had so I shot off a lil message. Something dumb like hey we are a high match just thought I'd say hi. Who knew that it would lead to this :)

But I think I could tell from the first date that he was something special, that WE would have something special. It was just like puzzle pieces clicking into place. Everything just felt "right". I can't really explain it. It's never happened that way before for me. And if you've never experienced it, you probably couldn't understand either.

Everything just feel so perfect with him. I told him once that when I was a little girl I used to picture what my "perfect dream guy" was like. What he would do, what he would say, how he would treat me.

And I told him he did all those things. The way he looks at me, the way he kisses me, the way he runs his fingers through my hair, the way he caresses my face, I would never need words to know how he feels... his actions speak loud and clear.

But hearing the words "I Love You" was defintely nice. Albeit shocking. I wasn't expecting him to say that last night.

I had known for a few weeks now that I was developing serious feelings for him, but I didn't expect him to say anything along those lines yet. Maybe because in a way I still am shocked that someone as good as him could actually want someone like me, with so much baggage. But I'd like to think that despite my baggage, he thinks I'm worth it. And based off of recent developments, I'd say that is the case :)

I am so very happy, and feel so very lucky to have found someone like him. The way I feel when we kiss, hug, cuddle, hold hands... everything is just so right :)

Pick your prize

Yay with this post I will be all caught up again!

Day 14 - Your favorite youtube video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyNSx7TXVqE

Love this shit!

Untold untapped potential

Day 13 - Your favorite website

Hmmm... hard to say. Obviously I love Blogger, because I'm on here blogging all the time. And I'm ALWAYS on Facebook. Way too much. Damn I need to get a life, haha. And I'm always googling shit.

Not "shit" literally, that would be disgusting, but you know what I mean. I have a very curious mind. But probably my favorite website would be Pandora.

Because no matter what website I'm browsing... that website is always on one of my tabs, because I'm ALWAYS listening to music.

Incubus will always be my fave, of course, but I've really been branching out lately. Remeber back when did the 30 Days of Music blog challenge and I had almost 500 bands that I liked... yeah now that number is well over a thousand.

I am always discovering new groups I like, and old groups I had forgotten about. My day is so musically diverse I love it. Somedays I'll start the day off by listening to some heavy metal... and then on the drive to work I'll play Jazz. Haha. Gotta love it. Blues, jazz, classical, rock, punk, metal, love it all. 

Creation takes the stage

Day 12 - Your favorite recipe

Now, most that know me know that I'm not the worlds greatest cook. I have a hard time even making grilled cheese right sometimes haha. But I'm trying to get better. Cook more, be more domestic and all that jazz. I have a few things I'm decent at making. So I think I get by okay. But I don't really have a favorite recipe of my own I like to make. But the other day at work a coworker brought in some banana pudding and it was one of the most delicious things I've ever had. So currently, this is my favorite recipe, and one of these days I'm gonna attempt to make it, and hopefully don't screw it up too bad!

"Not Yo' Mama's Banana Pudding"

Ingredients

• 2 bags Pepperidge Farm Chessmen cookies
• 6 to 8 bananas, sliced
• 2 cups milk
• 1 (5-ounce) box instant French vanilla pudding
• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 1 (14-ounce) can sweetened condensed milk
• 1 (12-ounce) container frozen whipped topping thawed, or equal amount sweetened whipped cream

Directions

Line the bottom of a 13 by 9 by 2-inch dish with 1 bag of cookies and layer bananas on top.
In a bowl, combine the milk and pudding mix and blend well using a handheld electric mixer. Using another bowl, combine the cream cheese and condensed milk together and mix until smooth. Fold the whipped topping into the cream cheese mixture. Add the cream cheese mixture to the pudding mixture and stir until well blended. Pour the mixture over the cookies and bananas and cover with the remaining cookies. Refrigerate until ready to serve.

What we often think we know

Day 11 - A favorite talent of yours

Hmm. This is a toughie. I don't really think I'm talented at much at all. And maybe that is just me being humble? Or hard on myself? Can't say for sure. I wish I were so talented at something that I could be rich and famous. Okay maybe not so much famous, I mean it's not like I need other people to validate me. Or wait, maybe I do, why else would I have a public blog/diary? Haha. Nah... this is mostly for me. I would make it private but I think my blogging has helped/is helping some people in similar situations as me. I'm not really an attention whore. Usually. ;)

I wish I could sing... dance... play guitar better... play piano... paint better... draw better. But I'm mediocre, at best. I wish I were a better writer and poet. I know alot of people tell me I'm a great writer. And maybe this blog isn't my best example because I get lazy with grammer/punctuation and whatnot here. But it's my blog, so I do as I please. And if I use too many commas or have run on sentences, I don't care. I like commas. And long sentences. And short sentences. Hell I just like sentences, okay!

And we could totally devolve and go into my "naughty" talents... but nah... that's something you have to find out for yourself ;) Haha... just kidding. That's the other thing too, I like to make dirty jokes and or be shocking. It's fun. Sometimes people take me way too seriously. But it's all in jest, I swear. Or is it? :P

So I guess my favorite talent... and I don't really know if it could be considered a talent... is my ability to make and keep friends. My friends are my family and they are very important to me. I care about people a lot, more than myself, most times. I've been told that I'm a compltely selfless and compassionate person. I don't know whether thats entirely all good because I've been trying to get better about caring about myself too, and not being a doormat to some.

I guess it's possible that I have been a bit distracted

Sorry all... the song lyric/blog title today says it all. I know, I'm way behind. Some "ish" going on... I will try to do better... and hope that things get better as well :)

Day 10 - Your favorite art piece

Because I like to paint so much (although I'm not very talented) when I think of my favorite art piece I think my favorite painter, Andre Derain.

Although there are some drawings, sculptures and etc. that I like as well, I think my all time favorite art piece is a painting by Andre Derain. He's not very well known, at least, not outside of the art world.

He isn't a big name, but I think he is uber talented. He paints in the style of "fauvism" which funny enough is my most favorite style to paint in as well.

For those that aren't familiar, fauvism means: bold and distorted forms, vivid colors. A big name that you might recognize that is also a "fauvist" is Henri Matisse.

But anyways, back to my favorite painting. I have always had a love for water/boats, and so of course my favorite painting involves that. "Boats in the Harbor" is my favorite piece :)

It will not be the last time

Day 09 — A favorite photo taken by you

I take a lot of pictures. Especially of my kiddos. So it's hard to pick just one favorite. But I'm putting this one up because it just makes me giggle everytime I see it. It was of Charlie's first beach trip. And the shirt saying was totally appropriate haha.

Get out from under precipice and see the sky

Day 08 — A favorite photo that used to make you happy but now makes you angry/sad

The douchebag and I will have been officially split 7 months in 10 days. And I can honestly say I've reached the point where I am truly over the breakup.

I've had enough time and therapy to help me heal, and reflect and I know that it was the best thing that could have ever happened to ME.

Sure, it's been rough on the kiddos, and mainly that was my biggest issue with the whole breakup. I wasn't happy in my marriage either so it wasn't so much me upset about it being over, it was me being upset about how it was effecting the kiddos.

I am so much happier now... and I feel so free... and like I'm rediscovering myself. It helps sure, that I'm now dating a guy that is everything I could ever want in a "perfect" partner.

But even before I started dating him I was noticing that I had moved on and was experiencing life and happiness yet again. People still ask me occassionally if I would ever try to work things out with the douche.

And to me, there is nothing to work out. We both realized that we weren't right for each other. We got married when we were 18/19, just babies, who had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

And honestly... I don't know what happened to him along the journey of life, but he had turned into a most undesirable person, and even if you offered me a million dollars, I would pass on ever being with him again. The misery would not be worth the money!

So this photo... used to be my fave before the split... because it was of what I thought was our happy family at the time... I was 8 months preggo with Timmy in this pic... but now I just look at it with sadness. It doesn't make me angry that we aren't a "family" anymore. Just sad. Sad that we brought kiddos into an equation that was so totally wrong. But now we have to do the best we can for damage control for the kiddos. Because they are the most important thing :)

Words are too messy

Day 07 — Your favorite photo that makes you happy

I have 2, actually. Photos of me with my kiddos on the day they were born. Terrible pics of me b/c obviously giving birth is exhausting... but so precious to me to be able to see those first moments of life holding my new babies :)

Charlie

Timmy

This I adore

Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy FAVORITE

Hmm... okay... I can talk about any favorite thing I choose today... I shall talk about my love affair with tea. LOL. Not many people can relate... in this day and age where it's all about the soda and juice and vitamin waters (not to say I don't like vitaminwater/lifewater, etc, cuz I do) but not many people are tea drinkers anymore.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not some hoity-toity tea drinking connoseiur... no I'm quite happy to get my tea fix with good old Arizona, Lipton, Stash, and Tazo varieties... but I must say if I had the money... I would buy all my tea high quality loose leaf. 2 or 3 times a year I like to splurge a bit and go to a specialty tea store and indulge. But 2 or 3 times a year is all I can afford. I bought 4 oz. of loose leaf tea and 1/2lb of German rock sugar, and some tea bags, and spent over $30. Not to say that all loose leaf tea is super expensive. You can get some for under $2 an oz, but I have a weakness for white chai which is $5 an oz and then I wanted to try out this new kind of white tea called "Spice Of Life" which was $7 an oz.

My boy (the not yet but hopefully soon to be boyfriend) and I took a little jaunt down to the mall yesterday where we went to get some Fro Yo because according to him... Ice Cream is like pornography for his mouth lol. And then we went to Teavana... where I told him Tea is my pornography... and that if I could, I would have bough everything in the store haha.

It comes with the territory

Day 05 — Your favorite quote

I've already discussed at some length that I don't subscribe to a particular religion, not to say that I am atheist, I do believe there is a higher power, so I guess you could say I'm agnostic. I just always say I'm more spiritual than I am religious. I've tried A LOT of different religons... and none of the shoes seemed to fit. Baptist, Lutheran, Protestant, Presbytarian, Catholic, Mormon, Jehovah Witness, Judaism, Hinduism, etc. But of all the religions I tried... probably the one I related to the most was actually Buddism. But not enough that I would ever consider myself to be Buddist. I just think that Buddha was a very wise man. And I love all over his quotes. But this one is my fave :)

Dance on fire and enjoy the ride

Day 04 — Your favorite book

So the problem with doing all these 30 day blog challenges is sometimes you run into the same question. Like today. I've already answered and explained this quite well, don't need to go over again why Observatory Mansions by Edward Carey is my all time fave book.

Instead, I will talk a little about my bookclub. I am a total bookslut/bookworm as previously discussed so of course I belong to a bookclub. But not only am I a member... I'm the freakin' founder too! Haha. I'm very proud of myself for starting a bookclub and keeping it going for almost 8 months now. Granted it has gone through a lot of changes... some due to the fact that a lot my friends/member are 1) not as avid readers as I am and 2) don't have as much time/fast enough readers to be able to participate. So I've moved the group to being strictly online, instead of holding meetings anymore. But I'm glad I haven't totally abandoned it/given up. This months book is "Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet" by Jamie Ford. If I read the synopsis correctly it is about the Japanese interment camps. A subject that has always fascinated me.