2) I know, I'm being unfaithful to Incubus here with these Hoobastank lyrics, but at the moment, they are so true to what I want to talk about today!
I don't think I was ever a BAD nor terrible person. Most people that know me will tell you I am one of the sweetest, most kind, most caring, most compassionate people out there.
I have a tendency to put everyone else before me. Nobody, except maybe my douchebag of an ex would ever use the term "bitch" to describe me.
Which I know is saying a lot because almost all women have their bitchy moments, it's usually a hormonal thing.
But even when I was pregnant and hormones were running rampant I still never really snapped at anyone haha. A lot of my friends say I am TOO nice, that I need to let my inner bitch out.
Sure I talk a lot of shit on here about my ex and his gf.... but to their faces, I'm very civil. I guess that's something I need to work on, not that I neccessarily want to be a bitch, but that I shouldn't be so passive-agressive, or a doormat for people to walk all over.
Therapy has helped a lot with that, and my new boyfriend as well. Being treated how a woman should actually be treated in a relationship is something I've never experienced before.
Having someone care about my wants and needs, and having someone that actually wants to make me happy, is such a foreign concept to me.
Sometimes it feels like trying to wear a shoe a few sizes too small, uncomfortable, because I'm not used to having the spotlight on me.
I'm used to just being in the background, making the other person happy, bottling up all my needs and emotions.
So while it's very good, it's defintely been an adjustment on my part, and sometimes I feel like I don't know what to say when he's so good to me.
Most of the time I'm like "really? you want to do that for me? wow... " I hope he realizes how much I do appreciate all that he is and what he does for me.
Sometimes I'm just so shocked I don't know how I come off to him. Like the one night when he did the dishes for me after I cooked. Nobody had ever done that for me before.
Or the way he just jumps in and helps with the kiddos. I've never really asked him to do much regarding them, because they aren't his responsibility, like I don't expect him to change diapers and whatnot, but he never hesitates to hold the baby or push the stroller, or carry something for me.
I guess I'm just so used to having to do everything on my own that it's like I just don't know how to accept help without being totally awkard about it. But I think I'm getting better. I'm glad that he likes to help.
I just don't ever want him to feel like I'm taking advantage of him, which is why I try not to ask for too much. But since meeting him, I defintely feel like I have a good reason to start over new.
I want to change any bad habits I've had in the past. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be for him, because I feel like he is everything I could ever hope for in a boyfriend. And I just want to be perfect for him :)
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