But it's so true. Love does hurt. Love really sucks sometimes. But other times it's really great. I guess you just have to take the bad with the good. I love my kids and I love my friends, and thats a good love.
I loved The Douchebag, and that brought me nothing but misery. I started to fall in love with The Smooth Operator and that ended badly as well. But hey, at least I loved, at least I tried.
And I'm willing to do it all over again, with someone new, and hope to hope that it turns out right this time. I did love The Douchebag, for a long time. But I've also been out of love with him for a long time.
It's just the letting go of that old love, that wanting things to be the way they used to be, that's been hard. I know The Douchebag is not good for me, I know I do not love him, and I know he does not love me, and I know I deserve better. WAY better.
And eventually, I will find it. But it's just this in between stage that is hard to get over. That and the fact that despite my unloving him, and putting up with his crap, HE was the one to leave.
When it should have been me. The fact that he left me for The Homewrecking Whore was just like a slap in the face. He moves in with her tomorrow, Saturday, November 13th.
He moved out of our apartment to live with his mom just this Halloween. So yes, from July to almost November he and I lived under the same roof, apart romantically, and hating each other.
As glad I am to have him gone, and not have to deal with his bullshit, his belittling, and the neverending fights, it's still been rough.
It was hard to have him on the couch, having had his body next to mine in bed for the past 9 years. So that was a change. But at least he was still here, offering some sort of, protection, whatever.
Now that he's not even on the couch anymore, and living somewhere else entirely, its rough. I've never lived alone before. I went straight from living with my parents in highschool, to living with him.
And I know I'm not entirely alone, I have my kiddos, but sometimes that makes it harder because now I have two little lives I have to worry about protecting, and not just my own.
I don't sleep much... every little noise I wake up. I've thought about getting either a dog, or a gun. But neither choice seems too appealing.... someone told me a fire extinguisher would work quite well for a form of defense. Blind and confuse them with the spray, then bash them over the head with the canister. We shall see.
As much as I wish I could say I wish The Douchebag and his Homewrecking Whore love and everlasting happiness, I really can't, because ONE, I hate them both because they totally went about things the wrong way and screwed me over. And TWO I just KNOW that they won't last.
Their romance is ill-fated and matched, from the get go. EVERYONE can see this (even my therapist!) well I should say everyone, except them. Because you know how it is in the beginning for two star-crossed lovers.
They think their love will conquer all, and they will live happily ever after. I honestly will be shocked and amazed if they are still together 6 months from now. So come May 13th, if they are still together, I will eat a tomato (because I hate tomatoes!). Here are all the reasons they won't work:
1- the age difference. He's 25, she's 40. Thats a 15 year difference. Creepy now, yes, but even creepier when you think about when he's only 35 she will be 50. YUCK.
2- they are both going through divorces, leaving one serious long term relationship, to jump right into another one. They are each others rebounds.
3- shes a cougar, which means she likes him right now only because it makes her feel like hotshit that a young guy is attracted to her. Especially since shes going through a divorce, she needs that ego boost right now. But the high will wear off, it always does.
4- he's looking for a sugarmomma, less responsibility, and someone that thinks he's fun/funny. Right now shes fulfilling that for him, but down the road, he will regret what he gave up and realize that he traded 80% of what he needed for 20% of what he needed.
5- he hasn't gone through any personal therapy, and neither has she, so they are both bringing all their old problems and baggage they had with their previous relationships, into their new relationships, so their relationship has no chance of being healthy.
6- he is so immature. Right now she can probably overlook that and make excuses for it because they are still in the new fun stage of things, but eventually, she will get tired of having a 5th child (yes she has 4 kids).
7- her kids are going to hate him because hes much closer in age to them (the oldest is 16) than he is their mom, so they are going to think they are both nuts for being in a relationship together. And his kids will hate him because he left them, and their mom, for some skanky old grandma.
8- he is into some really kinky shit sexually. Stuff I refused to go for. It was a sticking point in our relationship, and part of what caused him to cheat. He has already admitted that she is even less sexually adventurous than I, so pray tell, how is she supposed to keep him satisfied?
9- he is a serial cheater. He will cheat on her, he already has. She doesn't believe it yet, but eventually when the truth is staring you in the face time after time, she will eventually have to accept his true nature. And if she has any self respect at all, will kick him to the curb.
10- he has nothing to offer. He is selfish and self serving and immature. He has a crappy job and no desire to better his postion in life. His ideal life is playing poker and video games. That will get old, real fast. She will want someone who is successful, her equal, someone who has something to bring to the table, and can actually hold an intelligent, adult conversation. And someone who will actually put her first. He may be putting on a bit of a show right now for her, he did that for me too in the beginning. But eventually she will realize that she will always only an option, not a priority to him.
Wow just like that I can name 10 legit reasons why they are gonna fail... I can't think of one single reason why it will last... can you? If you can, I'd sure like to know. All I know is... when it fails, and it will, he better not try to come crawling back to me, because by then, I hope to be in a fabulous healthy relationship of my own with a far better man!
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