Actually it wasn't so much about that as it was about the fact that I'm free to do as I please now... and The Douchebag never would have let me put up the tree so early, if at all.
He just wasn't into the whole holiday shindig. And I'm not really either (for me at least) but I'm trying to be, for the kiddos. Because I know it's fun for them, and important to them, well at least Charlie anyways.
When he saw the tree last night when he came home from his dad's, the look of awe on his face and the cute little "oooooh" he said showed me that I was exactly right in putting up the tree now for him.
Ah.... The holidays though... working in retail especially has shown me how far we've all strayed from what the true meaning of Christmas should be... and I'm not talking just on a religious level... because for those that know me very well, yes I do believe in a God and all that... but I'm not exactly the type of person that prays everyday and goes to church every Sunday and knows bible verses off the top of her head.
I see people in my family that are like that and part of me wishes I had their faith and conviction... but I just don't... I never have, and I don't know that I ever will.
I do have some faith though... and I do believe I have witnessed a few miracles, so I can't write of the existance of a God completely... but I think theres so much wrong with "religion" itself that I just can't even wrap my head around it, nor do I care to.
If that makes me a bad person and writes me a ticket to hell... then so be it I guess... because I can't pretend to be something I'm not... and I don't think I'm a bad person... I always put others needs before my own, and do whatever I can to help out someone in need... and I'm not just talking about during the holidays... because people should be giving year round... But anyways.... thinking of the holidays and the dreaded question "What do you want/need for Christmas" And I never really know how to answer that because I'd much rather give gifts than recieive that and I never really know what I want/need anyways.
If I can't answer that simple question of what I want/need for Christmas... how does one expect me to know what I want/need out of life?
Because I really have no idea...
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