I think the marriage breakup has been hardest on him, most of all, and that, is usually, why I cry. Not for myself, or my own pain, or betrayal, or loss, but for his pain, his loss.
He's old enough to understand that something is amiss, but not quite old enough to understand that what is going on is not his fault, and that eventually, it's all gonna be okay. So that's hard.
How to you explain this mess to an almost 4 year old little boy? The Douchebag really hasn't had any sort of "talks" with him to explain whats going on, so it's on me to try and make his world right, when so much has gone wrong.
The Douchebag gets to shirk his responsiblities at home and go start his new fabulous life with (oh we shall give her a codename as well) "THE HOMEWRECKING WHORE", and I'm left to deal with the fallout.
I'm the one that every morning has to answer the question "Where's daddy?" and I'm the one that every time I pick the kids up from being with their dad has to answer the question "Why isn't daddy coming home with us?"
It's not fun at all, let me tell you! All I can do is reaffirm to him that I love him and that I (unlike his father) will NEVER leave him. Being a single mom is NOT easy. Being a single mom to 2 kids is NOT easy.
Being a single mom to two boys is NOT easy. But I'm determined to make it work. I have to, my kids mean the world to me.
I know eventually Charlie will be okay... he will come out of this with some scars though, and there's nothing I can do to change that.
But he's making progress, last night was the first night ever since the doucher moved out that Charlie slept the whole night in his bed.
He had been climbing into bed with me in the middle of the night wanting to make sure I was still there and snuggle. I think he gets now that Mommy isn't going anywhere.
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