I suppose since it is New Years Eve, I could do a "YEAR IN REVIEW!" type thingy...
January... I was 4 months pregnant and it was that month that we found out we were having another boy, and we decided to name him Timothy Alexander. That month also brought my 25th birthday... I was a quarter of a century old!
February... I was 5 months pregnant with Timmy and so glad to be halfway done... Little did I know that this would be my last Valentines Day with the Douchebag... and I should have known something was amiss because we didn't do anything for it, nor did we even exchange cards or presents. Most likely because this was the month in which he met The Homewrecking Whore.
March... I was 6 months pregnant with Timmy and we had got some good news. We got quite a bit more back on our taxes then we expected and coupled with the fact that the Douchebag was interviewing for a good (his current) job that I found for him, it was looking like we were finally going to be moving out of his parents place and into our own apartment after 2 years of waiting!
April... I was 7 months pregnant with Timmy and this month brought Easter which was fun for Charlie, The Douchebag's and I's 6 year (and last) Wedding Anniversary (8 years of being together total) and again, should have known something was amiss b/c we didn't do anything romantic for it, he guilted me into going to a baseball game with him.
May... I was 8 months pregnant with Timmy and he tried to come early! Luckily I was able to keep him in long enough to be a healthy baby. This month was the month we finally moved into our own apartment! We also had family photos taken... the last "happy and whole" pictures I have of my "old" family. This is also the month that the Douchebag finally got his new job.
June... I was 9 months pregnant with Timmy... had his babyshower... and then he came into our lives on June 18th... and then just a few days later I lost my beloved 18 year old cousin Victor... he died in a fall while hiking in the gorge... attending his funeral just days after coming home from the hospital by having a baby via c-section was tough, both physically and emotionally, but it was important for me to be there. But again... should have known something was amiss because I had to go home right after the funeral instead of going to the wake because it was more important to the Douchebag that he go to a baseball game.
July... Timmy was 1 month old... I was still off work and enjoying that... but struggling adjusting to being the mom of a 3 year old and a newborn... and I wasn't getting much help from the douchebag b/c he took advantage of me not having to work and left me alone with the kids all the time while he went out and had fun... little did I know he was having "fun" with the Homewrecking Whore. My uncle had a heart attack this month... but he's doing good now! This was also the month I started my bookclub, and my weightloss journey.
August... Timmy was 2 months old. I had to go back to work and give up nursing.... that was hard but I was losing weight like crazy though, and I had a "makeover". Then on August 18th... my world totally changed. The Douchebag told me he didn't want to be married anymore. I basically flipped the fuck out and went a little nuts. Started dating way too fast, trying to fill the void in my heart. Jumped into a relationship with The Smooth Operator just 10 days later... and it was probably my eagerness to be wanted again that had me with blinders on for so long that I didn't realize until almost 3 months later that the dude was shady... and very much married.
September... Timmy was 3 months old... I basically threw myself into everything full force, trying to take my mind off my situation and my shattered heart... Threw myself into working out and losing weight, threw myself into spending time with my friends, threw myself into dating The Smooth Operator... I had a lot of fun times this month.... despite the underlying layer of sadness. I really realized what amazing friends I have and did a lot of good things like Race for The Cure again, and the Autism Walk for the first time. Had my first bookclub meeting.... tried to adjust to my new reality. Spent a lot of time with my kiddos... going to the zoo and whatnot.
October... Timmy was 4 months old... I was still throwing myself into everything full force, trying to keep busy... spent a lot of time with friends and family.... went to a lot of parties.... started teaching myself guitar... took a break from dating The Smooth Operator for a little bit b/c he was "busy with work" jumped into a relationship straight from that to the one with The Player, which also didn't end well. Started therapy because I realized I wasn't really dealing with my emotions and issues the right way... I was just putting myself in situations with guys that made me feel worse. The Douchebag finally moved out this month b/c initailly we had agreed b/c of financial reasons that he would stay on the couch until the lease was up, but we just couldn't stand the fighting, or each other anymore.
November... Timmy was 5 months old. I had just ended things with The Player, and was back with the Smooth Operator when my world came crashing down again after I found out he was married... I decided at this point to not neccessarily give up on dating... but to try to take things slower... and be more picky about finding a good guy. And to be content to not jump into another serious relationship again, to enjoy being single. It's been hard, but its been the right thing to do. This month brought Charlie's 4th Birthday... And my first real "solo and single spent" holiday, Thanksgiving. But again here is where I knew I had amazing friends that were there for me to help me see it through. The Douchebag moved from his parents house into an apartment with the Homewrecking Whore this month as well. It was also this month in which I started my blog, so that I would have a place to vent where only people that wanted to read about it, could.
December... Timmy is 6 months old. I am totally single and okay with that. I'm on the road to happiness once again. I started taking an antidepressant and it has helped me find my balance again. Christmas was hard and bittersweet... but I'm defintely ready for this year to be over. I had many blessings and good times the first 6 months of the year... and the last 6 months have defintely been the worst of my life. But I'm still here, I'm still perservering.
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