Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
I have thought about giving up on life many times actually. Both in the past, and the present. Presently, of course with all the problems I've had lately, the thought of course has crossed my mind that it would just be easier to end it all and not have to deal with any more bullshit.
But 2 things stop me everytime... the fact that I don't want to take the cowards way out (and that I want to believe that life will get better) and of course, my kiddos.
I can't give up because of them... they keep me going! But of course I want to be happy again and not feel the utter hopelessness anymore... or start heading down that slippery slope of depression, so I did the right (yet temporary) thing for myself in starting a low dose anti-depressent.
Therapy was helping... but I just needed a little boost to get myself and my chemical levels back to normal to start feeling better. I call them my happy pills haha... and yes, it's been 2 weeks now and they are finally starting to kick in.
In the past... man... things were bad. From the ages of 13 and 17 I had a lot of problems. I abused alcohol and was very depressed. I used to try to deal with my pain and my problems through cutting.
When that didn't seem to work anymore I actually did attempt suicide. I was ready to end it... and so I took a bottle of pills. I got really, really sick... but it didn't kill me. And at first, I was pissed.
I couldn't even do suicide right... but then I got to thinking... maybe it didn't work for a reason... and that was when I basically has an epihphany type thing and totally was able to turn my life around.
I started to believe that there was a reason I was still alive... that I had some purpose on earth... so I threw myself into my school work and my friends... and got better.
Started dating... had a boyfriend (Mr. Teddybear) and then met the Douchebag... and then... you know the rest of the story.
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