Honesty is a lonely word

Procrastination is fun... but its time to play catch up again!

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

So back on Day 4 I forgave The Player. Today, I'd like to let go of The Smooth Operator.

Despite the way things turned out with him... me finding out he was married, and blah blah blah... I still find myself thinking about him a lot. It's hard to let go of someone you were starting to fall in love with... even though they did something so diabolically evil to you.

I know in my head that he is a bad guy... not just to me, but to his wife, and his daughter. He hurt so many with his actions. And I won't ever forgive him, I just wish I could forget him.

I can't say that I wish I never met him... because for almost 3 months... he showed me that it was possible to move on from The Douchebag, and love again. He was just the wrong person, obviously!

Also... he was going to cheat on his wife no matter what. The fact that he chose me to fool into a relationship with... just solidifies my belief that everything happens for a reason.

If he had chosen someone else to do it with, would that person have been smart enough to figure out that everthing was just a sham, and that he was really married?

Would that person have had the guts to reveal the truth to the wife? That was so hard for me. I know technically I didn't do anything wrong because I didn't know he was still married... and once I found out I cut contact with him and let her know what had happened.

But that was... embarrasing to say the least. In order to prove to her the "affair" I had to send her pictures... and correspondance... that didn't exactly paint me out to be "the girl next door" that everyone seems to think I am.

But it had to be done. She had to know what her husband was up to... and sometimes yes I feel guilty for shattering her world also... but I think it's better to know... and ignorance isn't always bliss.

I have no idea what happened with them. Whether they are getting divorced or what. I'd like to think that they went to marriage counseling and are trying again... because I hate to see families break up... but at the same time... learning from my own experience... once a cheater... always a cheater, sadly.

But I've realized that I need to let go of the Smooth Operator... thinking about him and how things were with him, how he made me feel, the happiness I felt... it was all a lie... and continuing to think about him, wonder about him, ugh, even miss him at times is not doing me any favors.

I already took the step of deleting him out of my phone... now I just need to eradicate him completely from my computer... all the pictures... emails... etc... then I will be free... I hope :)