Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
This is easy... my kiddos of course... I was meant to be their Mama... and they were meant to be my boys...
I don't really need to say much else here... I've made it no secret how much I love my kids, or how much they mean to me... how much joy they bring me... and how they keep life worth living when so many shitty things keep happening to me.
Last night was hard though... it was Christmas Eve and I had agreed to let The Douchebag keep them overnight since I had them Thanksgiving and would be having them Christmas Day... so it was fair... but still rough... not being able to watch them open their presents at their Mimi's... not being a part of that family dynamic or Christmas celebration anymore... not baking cookies with them to put out for Santa... not waking up with them Christmas morning to see the delight on their face at all the presents on the tree... this is Charlie's first Christmas where he kinda "gets it" and it was Timmy's first Christmas... should have spent it with my boys... but instead I spent it for the most part alone.
My friend Shannon went out to dinner with me and spent a little bit of time so I wouldn't have to go straight home from work to an empty apartment... so that was fun... but the empty apartment sucked.
I just cleaned it and took and ambien and went to bed early... Today should be fun though... some friends of mine invited us for a "Cajun Christmas". Should be exciting... very different from my "norm" Xmas... but that's good... it's better to help me not dwell on how things used to be...
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